1. luckyshirt: Dear guy who just made my burrito: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients from one end to the other, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws to accommodate such methods. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter. And guess what else, player? You can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

    luckyshirt:

    Dear guy who just made my burrito:

    Have you ever been to earth?

    On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

    You’re an idiot.

    Let me further explain:

    Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients from one end to the other, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

    Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

    When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws to accommodate such methods. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.

    And guess what else, player? You can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

    Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

    Nope.

    My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

    And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER.

    In conclusion:

    You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

    1 day ago  /  23,985 notes  /  Source: luckyshirt

  2. (via fuckyeah1990s)

    3 days ago  /  873 notes  /  Source: fuckyeah1990s

  3. 6 days ago  /  2,147 notes  /  Source: textfromdog

  4. fuckyournoguchicoffeetable: SUPER COMBO SUNDAY Fuck your typographic wall art pair, ethnic wall hanging, faux fur throw, atomic floor lamp, convex mirror, bingo cage, buffalo silhouette,  milk crate, floor skull, wall skull with antlers and an accessory, and your tiny succulent array.

    fuckyournoguchicoffeetable:

    SUPER COMBO SUNDAY

    Fuck your typographic wall art pair, ethnic wall hanging, faux fur throw, atomic floor lamp, convex mirror, bingo cage, buffalo silhouette,  milk crate, floor skull, wall skull with antlers and an accessory, and your tiny succulent array.

    6 days ago  /  436 notes  /  Source: fuckyournoguchicoffeetable

  5. thedailywhat:

    This Is Also All Kinds Of Wrong of the Day: A preliminary hearing in the 2011 beating death of a homeless schizophrenic man in Fullerton, California, has ended, and a decision could come today on whether there is enough evidence for the two police officers charged in the incident to stand trial.

    Officer Manuel Anthony Ramos and Cpl. Jay Cicinelli encountered Kelly Thomas near the Fullerton Transportation Center on July 5. The officers engaged with Thomas, whom they suspected of car theft.

    Ramos is accused of telling Thomas, “Now, see my fists? They are getting ready to f— you up,” before chasing him, hitting him with his baton, punching him in the ribs and sitting on top of him to restrain him. Cicinelli allegedly kneed Thomas twice in the head and used his Taser on him four times.

    Previously unreleased surveillance video of the horrific beating surfaced at the hearing this week. Thomas can be heard on the video calling for his father and telling officers, by then a group of them, that he cannot breathe.

    Thomas died five days after the beating. Dr. Aruna Singhania, the pathologist who performed the autopsy on Thomas’ body, testified in the hearing that Thomas died due to bleeding from his broken nose and other facial injuries. The blood filled his lungs and oxygen deprivation left him brain dead.

    Ramos is charged with second-degree murder and involuntary manslaughter in Thomas’ death, and Cicinelli is charged with involuntary manslaughter and excessive force. Both have been released on bail, and both have pleaded not guilty.

    (Heads up — video is graphic and Not Safe For Work. Altercation begins at 15:20. A shorter version can be found here.)

    [nbcla]

    2 weeks ago  /  374 notes  /  Source: thedailywhat

  6. ilovecharts: Stay in school, kids.

    ilovecharts:

    Stay in school, kids.

    2 weeks ago  /  3,647 notes  /  Source: comicbookalex

  7. 'Avengers' Destruction to Manhattan Would Cost $160 Billion, Disaster Expert Estimates | THR →

    2 weeks ago  /  100 notes  /  Source: popculturebrain

  8. thedailywhat: Not The Onion of the Day: This is a screengrab from today’s Fox Nation story on President Obama’s support of gay marriage. It has since been changed to read: “Obama flip flops on gay marriage.” Still a fail. [thestranger]

    thedailywhat:

    Not The Onion of the Day: This is a screengrab from today’s Fox Nation story on President Obama’s support of gay marriage. It has since been changed to read: “Obama flip flops on gay marriage.” Still a fail.

    [thestranger]

    2 weeks ago  /  1,445 notes  /  Source: thedailywhat

  9. endersgameblog:

    “I need you to be clever, Bean.  I need you to think of solutions to
    problems we haven’t seen yet.”

    In Dragon Army, Ender encourages input.  So do we.  That’s why we’re
    opening this blog up to you, the readers.

    Ask us a question about ENDER’S GAME — something you’ve been dying to know.  We’ll select our favorites (or as many as we can) from the comments section and start answering them.

    Fire away!

    2 weeks ago  /  90 notes  /  Source: endersgameblog

  10. thedailywhat: Single-Topic Tumblr of the Day: A Scottish artist named Michael decided to spice up the popular Pictionary-style game Draw Something by adding a simple self-imposed rule: always draw Hitler. His Tumblr, “Ignore Hitler,” chronicles his attempts to communicate his assigned words while gratuitously sketching one of history’s worst villains and violating Godwin’s Law six ways from Sunday. [happyplace.]

    thedailywhat:

    Single-Topic Tumblr of the Day: A Scottish artist named Michael decided to spice up the popular Pictionary-style game Draw Something by adding a simple self-imposed rule: always draw Hitler.

    His Tumblr, “Ignore Hitler,” chronicles his attempts to communicate his assigned words while gratuitously sketching one of history’s worst villains and violating Godwin’s Law six ways from Sunday.

    [happyplace.]

    2 weeks ago  /  2,599 notes  /  Source: thedailywhat

  11. (via fuckyeah1990s)

    2 weeks ago  /  3,575 notes  /  Source: fuckyeah1990s

  12. topherchris: Exclusive photo of Dr. Claw meeting with Tumblr’s David Karp. (Andrew Hetherington for Newsweek)

    topherchris:

    Exclusive photo of Dr. Claw meeting with Tumblr’s David Karp.

    (Andrew Hetherington for Newsweek)

    3 weeks ago  /  494 notes  /  Source: thedailybeast.com

  13. thedailywhat: NYC Skyline of the Day: One World Trade Center, built over six years in the spot where the Twin Towers fell, surpassed the 1250-foot Empire State Building as the tallest in New York today. Construction is expected to be completed in December, when the height of the building will be 1368 feet, with the antenna spire pushing the edifice to a final height of 1776 feet. [nydailynews]

    thedailywhat:

    NYC Skyline of the Day: One World Trade Center, built over six years in the spot where the Twin Towers fell, surpassed the 1250-foot Empire State Building as the tallest in New York today. Construction is expected to be completed in December, when the height of the building will be 1368 feet, with the antenna spire pushing the edifice to a final height of 1776 feet.

    [nydailynews]

    3 weeks ago  /  5,039 notes  /  Source: thedailywhat

  14. OMG I never knew this existed.

    OMG I never knew this existed.

    (via fuckyeah1990s)

    3 weeks ago  /  1,734 notes  /  Source: fuckyeah1990s

  15. thedailywhat: Lunchtime Links: Today on The Daily What Geek: The latest set pics from Doctor Who Elsewhere on the Internets: Confirmed: Zach Galifianakis’ Between Two Ferns is headed for Comedy Central Cheat Sheet: To Wal-Mart’s Mexican bribery scandal Dangerous: Ron Artest/Metta World Peace’s elbow Finally: Instagram joins the fight against thinspo Lunchtime List: 50 Animated Gifs For Every Situation Ever [image: mylifeisperfect]

    thedailywhat:

    Lunchtime Links:

    Today on The Daily What Geek: The latest set pics from Doctor Who

    Elsewhere on the Internets:

    • Confirmed: Zach Galifianakis’ Between Two Ferns is headed for Comedy Central
    • Cheat Sheet: To Wal-Mart’s Mexican bribery scandal
    • Dangerous: Ron Artest/Metta World Peace’s elbow
    • Finally: Instagram joins the fight against thinspo

    Lunchtime List: 50 Animated Gifs For Every Situation Ever

    [image: mylifeisperfect]

    1 month ago  /  3,427 notes  /  Source: thedailywhat